smile with tears

Today, I have my enjoyable day with my workmate. We chat a lot and have many many of funny topics that we cannot talk and behave during working hour. Or maybe you can say, we are crazy gang.

But~ something had happened before my 'happy hour'. I have received a message from my sister. She said my grandmother are on critical stage, maybe..... she cannot hold on anymore.. My mood was dropped straight under the mountain. I have told myself, I have to accept it! I have to accept it! but, I couldn't stop my tears from leaving my eyes.

Luckily, that time my department was empty. No one is there, so i just sit at my department and trying to calm myself. That time, my brain floats out many of my memories and pictures with my grandmother. My grandmother very take care of me even i just come to visit her not more than 10 times in one year. Me, as her grandson, I admit that I did not take my responsibility to care on her, give love to her. Every time when we eat lunch, dinner or whatever was, I know, she is looking at me. I can feel the love from her, she always give the best thing for me. I... I... really love her.

I keep on thinking thinking and thinking, until a customer search for my service, I continue my work. It's fun when having a crazy night and laughing all the time today, in stead, I was trying to control my tears from falling down.

Here I come again, my tears, my naughty tears wanted to come out playing again. This time, I really cannot control them. I wish I could run infront of her and say, I love you, grandma, please, be strong... I love you....

 

Yuh In Shocked

At 10pm, everything is just going fine and peace and im waiting the coming of the tomorrow. Just after 10pm, I heard a handphone ringing, is my mom's handphone. I heard her voice suddenly changed. I knew something has happened...My dad just involved in an car accident.

Oh Gosh!! I quickly run down from upstairs and go to find my dad with my mom. I said let me drive to there but mom does not allowed me to do so. I saw my mom so worried and I heard her voice seems wanted to cry. I know, this is because that was her husband. No matter how many comments on him from my mom, she still love him.

Thanks God, my dad was safe. No injuries on him. I really have to thanks my god for blessing my dad from a serious car accident. My Benz just couldn't drive anymore. The poor little Benz just crashed like a useless steel. Benz vs Lorry = Benz lose...

Failure

Finally, the long awaited MUET results released. As you can see from my title, yes.. failure.. I've failed my MUET again. Last time, I get a band 3 and now I still get a band 3. From the moment I knew my results through sms, I was driving. I really sad.. I really really very very super duper upset.  Sorry my dear, I drove really fast on the way I when home and sorry to my mom, I have wasted your 60 ringgit reward with a same result like last time. I'm sorry. I have do my best, but what I get was not I want. I'm the one of the failure.

Maybe you can say, band 3 ma.. still can de... But you would never realise that the feeling that you can't fulfill your dreams was how hurt. I've to pretend i'm still very strong but in fact, i'm not.. I very sad right now. I'm very confusing right now.. I'm stuck in between retake or do not retake junction. I can't blame anyone because my talent in English is limited. I can't aspect too much to it. What I can do is just trying to forget what has happened today and search for the road for my future.

Nothing At All

From the day I put my first step in to the kindergarden, I have meet a lot of best friends. Even in the kindergarden school, I've found 3 of my best friends in my life and even have contact with them. Jia Wei, Kar Boon, and Andrew. We four having our best childhood life together aren't we? haha.. I still can remember the day we play football together. We juz kick on what that can act as our 'football'. Water bottle, bottle lid and even we rup many papers into a sphere shape and our football match begun!! haha.. i miss those days. Those days was my most memorable scene in my life. Our kindergarden and primary school life ended after our standard six.

Next, our secondary school life extended at different path. Some going to higher class but some not. Since form 1, my life has changed. I have been placed in the class which everyone was just too strange for me. During that period, I have meet with kar kent and min ein, which were my closest friends in my form 1 to form 3 life. During that period, jia jing also one of my friend which can said compatative friend for me because I have set a target to him... hehe..

After that, I have switched to the second class of form 4. I cant even can imagine that my results can compete with those prossss... haha.. My deskmate, weng hou was the only one I meet before during the practice of Band Harmonica. After half of year gone in form 4, I have meet with chun kit. Actually we are in the same class but our first real conversation is in the KC.Leong tuition center. haha.. funny huh? chun kit was a silent boy. Sometimes quite emo too.. maybe he wanted to shock those girls with his cool eyes ya? haha... just joking.. During my form 4 and form 5 life, my days were filled with only 3 boys. chun kit, kar kent and weng hou. I always hang out with chun kit and kar kent. Watch movies.. play bowling.. I miss those days... Of course, from primary school until now, got 1 person having a voice that sounds quite familiar to everyone, yes! Calvin Nga!! haha... Everyone asked me, why you so like to hang out with him? You very friend with him de hor? haha... Of course I very 'friend' with him. He was the only one who saw my effort, my joy, my happiness. All this because we having a tuition together but not always. It's hard to discuss about our friendship because there are many hidden memories I with him.

Come to form 6, I just can use one word, sucks... sorry to say that.. Before that, I was quite appreciate my life in Form 6. Here, I found my beloved. Here, I found a lot of friends. Jason, Zi Jing, Jie Shyan, Je Xen, and many of them. But I don't know whether is my mind becomes mature or what, I hate my class.. My class was very harmonies and we all having a good study environment AT THE BEGINNING. Even so, we have won our six form champion for first time in the history. I think none of us have won such big a competition. Time past, everything has changed. The bad dream was just started during our class trip to Cameron Highlands. That day, I realised that something has happen between our class member but I just couldn't say it out. Maybe that was my six's sense that said our class will break up into pieces.

Yup, that's true. Everything that I do not want to happen all come out simultaneously. Maybe you can say Im too free to disturb YOUR ALL BUSINESS, but that's my job as a monitor to settle all problems including class member relationship problems. Even until now, gang leaders are getting more and more powerful and you will never aspect what will happen in the next minutes. Maybe you can see someone starring on the other one; you can see someone gossip on the other one etc eTC ETC...

Well, my friendship life has never see an 'ever lasting'. Maybe that's my journey that I have to take it. Or maybe that was the effect of my never changes personalities. Why I take this blog title as 'Nothing At All'? This is because all relationship I have been though, it just a haze for me.. Im trapped in the haze and I couldn't find myself on the way back. I just know, throughout my life, I have many friends in fact, but all will never lasting. I feels like...

I am alone~~~~